What Happens At Big Fat Desi Weddings

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Reading time 3 Minutes

 

Weddings are an integral part of any culture but desi weddings happen all year round because the invitation cards keep rolling in. What do we look forward to the most when we’re invited to one? The colours, the wedding preparations, ENTERTAINMENT, the food etc – it’s all too exhilarating , but what single women have to go through, is a story on a whole different level. Besides the wedding madness, there are ”finger pointing and stares” of social pressure by our relatives and loads and loads of baatein! Humph!

Need we say more?…

 

RISHTA AUNTIES AND THEIR RIDICULOUS CRITERIA

Shaadis are where the rishta aunties are out hunting for gori gori larkiyan with teekhi teekhi naakain and patlay patlay figures. If that’s not frustrating enough, the list of requirements also include that girl should know how to cook, have a good family background, to speak very softly, doctor bhi ho lekin doctori kernay bhi nai deni shaadi ke baad. And, bonus points for perfect dance on the mehndi! Seriously?

 

rishta-aunty

 

THAT ONE AUNTIE WHO BOASTS ABOUT HER SONS

In order to sell her son as the “best potential dulha” an auntie will grace you with a string of taareefain about her son(s). 14A*s in Olevel, now has a job at Coca Cola and is earning pandra laakh rupay, he is GORGEOUS and tall and white. Dusra beta England mein betha hua hai aur woh bhi bilkul Shahrukh Khan hai. BAS KERDAIN, RAKHAIN APNAY SHAHRUKH KHAN KO APNAY PAAS!

 

hai-bhagwan

 

HAVING TO WEAR THIN CLOTHES IN BARFAANI SARDI

Because a girl’s got to look nice and beautiful, so pre-set societal standards tell her to drop the khaddar suits and go a light chiffon dress. And it’s absolutely acceptable because she’s a girl after all, and this is FASHION! Oopar se shawl pehan lou tou kapray chup jayengay. Whereas, men easily get by, by wearing suits and shalwar kurta and coats, which makes them even more desirable. *Thumbs-up*

 

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GETTING TOLD THAT YOU’VE PUT ON  WEIGHT

An auntie sees you after 5 years and goes like “haye khudaya, tum tou patli hoti thi!” Yes, auntie jee, stop stating the obvious facts. Mujhe pata hai mein patli hoti THI. Aur mujhe yeh bhi pata hai ap ki zubaan pe koi lock nahi hai! So let’s get over that quickly, eh?!

 

aishwarya-death-stare

 

BEING TOLD “PEHLAY KITNI MASOOM HOTI THI”

Another auntie sees you after 2 years and expresses how shocked she is to see you all grown up and embracing your youth and freedom through makeup and clothes. “Haye beta tum tou bohat mature hogai ho, pehlay kitni masoom thi”. Makes you wanna say “haye auntie ap kitni jawaan hoti theen, ab tou aisa lagta hai apkay janay ka waqt agaya hai”

 

kitni-soni-hogai-hai-bari-hokay

 

PEOPLE WHO SAY “AB SHAADI KI UMAR AGAI HAI”

Apko bari fikar aur jaldi hai, why don’t you pay for my wedding expenses and all? Aap he shaadi kera douu? There’s a special place in hell for such people. Reminding ammi and abbus to get us married early, since the beginning of time.

 

sahi-umar-mein-shaadi-kerlo

 

“BETA APKI ENGAGEMENT HUI HAI?”

Even if you’re not engaged, the best answer is: JEE HO CHUKI HAI. OOOPS. SORRY APKO INVITE KERNA BHOOL GAYE.

 

siyappa

 

 

BEING TOLD “NOW IT’S YOUR TURN”

I fall short of words for people who start planning for the next sister or cousin’s shaadi right on the day of the walima.  “Ab agli baari tumhari hai, tyaari shuru kerlo”. KASAM SE? APNAY KHWAAB MEIN DEKHA?

 

your-turn-for-shaadi

 

STAG PARTY, ESPECIALLY ON MEHNDIS

We’re the reason why all boys never want to show up on baraats and walimas, but they happily attend mehndis. Watching girls slay in their dresses and dance to the trending beats, and then picking imaginary wives for leisure and ego boost is super fun! They’ll be flirting with you through the eyes and heck if they like you, they’ll come for the remaining days of the wedding too ONLY TO FACE REJECTION BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T FIND HIM THAT CUTE!

 

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So here you go, some of the very relatable things us all face when we go to big fat desi weddings, which is probably why we have a love-hate relationship with them. It’s all fun though and we hope you found it fun too! Do let us know what things you have been through at desi weddings, cuz we’d love to hear them! 

 

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