Shaadis are an integral part of Pakistan’s culture. Desi weddings happen all year round but when winter hits for a few months, you know you’re getting hundreds of invitations. And, you have to grace the weddings with your presence. And, while desi weddings may seem all fun, bhangra and color, most of us women know what comes with that package: loads and loads of baatein and pressure and rishtay and what-nots!
So, without further ado, let’s proceed to see what us girls go through at desi weddings over here!
RISHTA AUNTIES AND THEIR RIDICULOUS CRITERIA
Shaadis are where the rishta aunties are out hunting for gori gori larkiyan with teekhi teekhi naakain and patlay patlay figures. List of requirements also include that girls should know how to cook, have a good family background, to speak very softly, doctor bhi ho lekin doctori kernay bhi nai deni shaadi ke baad. And, bonus points for perfect dance on the mehndi!
THAT ONE AUNTie WHO BOASTS ABOUT HER SONS
In order to sell her son as the “best potential dulha” an auntie will grace you with a string of taareefain about her son(s). 14A*s in Olevel, now has a job at Coca Cola and is earning pandra laakh rupay, he is beautiful and tall and white. Dusra beta England mein betha hua hai aur woh bhi bilkul Shahrukh Khan hai. BAS KERDAIN, RAKHAIN APNAY SHAHRUKH KHAN KO APNAY PAAS!
HAVING TO WEAR THIN CLOTHES IN BARFAANI SARDI
Because a girl’s got to look nice and beautiful, so pre-set societal standards tell her to drop the khaddar suits and go chiffon in 2 degrees kinda weather. Totally fine na. Larki he hai, kerlaygi bardasht. Totally fine. Oopar se shawl pehan lou tou kapray chup jayengay. Whereas, men easily get by wearing suits and shalwar kurta and coats, no issue at all there! *Thumbs-up*
GETTING TOLD YOU HAVE PUT ON A LOT OF WEIGHT
An auntie sees you after 5 years and goes like “haye khudaya, tum tou patli hoti thi!” Yes, auntie jee, stop stating the obvious facts. Mujhe pata hai mein patli hoti THI. Aur mujhe yeh bhi pata hai ap ki zubaan pe koi lock nahi hai!
BEING TOLD “PEHLAY KITNI MASOOM HOTI THI”
Another auntie sees you after 2 years and expresses how shocked she is to see you all grown up and embracing your youth and freedom through makeup and clothes. “Haye beta tum tou bohat mature hogai ho, pehlay kitni masoom thi”. Makes you wanna say “haye auntie ap kitni jawaan hoti theen, ab tou aisa lagta hai apkay janay ka waqt agaya hai”. 😛
PEOPLE WHO SAY “AB SHAADI KI UMAR AGAI HAI”
Apko bari fikar aur jaldi hai, why don’t you pay for my wedding expenses and all? Aap he shaadi kera douu? There’s a special place in hell for such people. Reminding ammi and abbus to get us married early, since the beginning of time.
“BETA APKI ENGAGEMENT HUI HAI?”
Even if you’re not engaged, the best answer is: JEE HO CHUKI HAI. OOOPS. SORRY APKO INVITE KERNA BHOOL GAYE.
BEING TOLD “NOW IT’S YOUR TURN”
I fall short of words for people who start planning for the next sister or cousin’s shaadi right on the day of the walima. “Ab agli baari tumhari hai, tyaari shuru kerlo”. KASAM SE? APNAY KHWAAB MEIN DEKHA?
POOND PARTY, ESPECIALLY ON MEHNDIS
We’re the reason why all boys who never wanna show up on barats and walimas, come to mehndis. Watching girls dance and then picking imaginary biwiyan is hobby number 1 of all poond boys! They’ll be flirting with you through the eyes and heck if they like you, they’ll come for the remaining days of the wedding too. Only to face rejection. 😀
So here you go, some very relatable things us all face when we go to desi weddings. Which is probably why we have a love-hate relationship with them. It’s all fun though and we hope you found it fun too! Do let us know what things you have been through at desi weddings, cuz we’d love to hear them! 😀